Monday, August 29, 2005
I Saw This Thing On iTV The Other Week..
Wow was friday good. Instructed to get Jase nice and tosted, carried out my orders matching him till I was gone enough not to be sure how I was goin. The tastiest roast beef roll in ages was devoured at Harold Park, and the trots seemed fun but not worth betting on. Unlike Blackjack at Star City. only on the table for five minutes, and walking away with what I put down, but still exciting.unfortunately, that meant I was slightly hungover at the Chinese Restaurant the following night, wishing it was Thai so I could get a grilled octopus salad, or something with fish and lemon that wasn't greasy. Three beers didn't agree with me, and losing $5 at the TAB didn't either. CCLC has only got bad vibes for me, and I'm still confident more fun is to be had in the city than on the coast.
Then again, the Coast sure beats Mt. Druitt. 2.5 hrs at the reject shop in the westfield was longer than I wanted to be there... it really is a different world. Golden brown, dried out in a way the Coast can't be, and Centennial Park'll be Green for a long time yet. Out of My Comfort Zone. gotta get further than Plumpton if it's gonna be a life experience. Pretty set on The States Now.
posted by Keegan at 11:21 am ... 0 comments
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Friday, August 26, 2005
Just A Rat In A Cage.
Experimenting. finding the net a lot less exciting without cash to burn, and when not looking at certain things for at least a week, then maybe two weeks, and seeing if the benefits are worthwhile. so far, It's got me pretty far into THUG 2. Tempted to return to THPS 3, just to keep it up, but a blog is a welcome distraction.Net activities have led me to begin investigating where the hell I'll go to distract myself before getting a real job, and the North East of America's looking pretty sweet, a round trip from NY to Washington, up to Niagara Falls through Pensylvania, then the sights of Canada through Montreal, up to Quebec City, and then back towards NY. could take me a while to do it properly, but to further avoid real work, instead of a 2hr stopover in LA, a 3 week stopover that sees me heading to Seattle, maybe even Orange County, but for the places that aren't in the show.
Thing is, nothing exciting's really happened, just waiting to see how a few things progress before I've got anything blogworthy to say. also caught this pic, had a nice little lol at it.
posted by Keegan at 4:31 pm ... 1 comments
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Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Lost Focus, ten minutes of sun before class. Waiting outside, picking a spot to stand... here. you won't catch her eye, and you don't end up accidentally looking at her. Can exist for a minute without any pressure, yet the tension in my mind builds. Seek focus.In class, catch a seat early, this spot comfortable from last time, because no-one knows you here. people change their minds because of your choice, though with relief I come to realize it's because more than two want to sit together. she's behind me. don't look. she'll beat you to a pulp. she probably could. Then the nice one sits next to me, how is that possible two lectures in a row? she's wearing the same jumper, it suits her. She asks me for a pen, I blush. I must be blushing, it feels like I'm melting. at least I have a pen. Just focus on the lecture. only it's a lecture I've heard twice already, in two other subjects.
Oh god, the pen's running out. bringing shame and dishonour to my noble name, this pen must be destroyed. I offer my own pen right out of my hand in sacrifice, telling her I've already heard this lecture twice. it's okay, she asks for a pen from the person next to her. maybe I did good, because she asks me if he's the lecturer for the two middle east subjects. perfect opening for a longer conversation, but I lack that function that early (midday) without alcohol.
Just reading over that, I've noticed wild swings in the use of grammar, which nevertheless seems to have purpose. I'm not sure I want to publish, admit to a little event in my life that had little consequence - for now - and it shows in the grammar. "you, me, I" show different self perspectives, like the Id, Super Id and Ego. maybe that's it. I could write it in my diary, but that'd be giving it more importance than it probably deserves.
Tomorrow is a day without Uni. We'll see how I go, if I actually use it for homework.
posted by Keegan at 10:14 pm ... 0 comments
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Sunday, August 21, 2005
Generation That Didn't Agree.
Jenna's gone tomorrow. she went almost 10 months ago anyway, but it's still strange. Been thinking it'll be worth going to washington just to send a couple of postcards back to Oz, not that it'll change anything. It's a bit tricky for me to be "just friends", and I've lost my best friend because of that. A different perspective on an old story, but that's not what I came here for.then again, it's what I'm typing about, and when it glazes my eyes with a thin film of liquid, I know I've hit a sweet spot. It's why wearing a watch is comfortable, at least on that wrist. Why I put the security tags around that wrist. I'm just gonna have to work like crazy this summer, when I fall off youth allowance, and get out of the country.
but wait there was a topic before I got mugged in an alley off memory lane. yeah, "Just Friends". though Larissa might make this way easy, especially if she comes through on introducing me to her cousin. Even if "just friends" is all that happens, that'd be worthwhile.
NIN rocked, when they actually did rock, and didn't whinge about pain. mental note: once I'm good enough with the guitar I'm able to write songs, don't whinge about pain. it's not pretty. stick to the happy side of the month, after you've bought Adbusters and feeling revolutionary.
posted by Keegan at 7:48 pm ... 0 comments
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Friday, August 19, 2005
Sad Statue Of Liberty
So I caught public transport home from uni for the first time, the time eased by a book in my hand, reading a skill I've not yet mastered while driving. and there's something that's been bugging me since tuesday, but I only really remembered like two seconds ago. The use of grammar, and the lack of it in our society. I'm no grammatical genius, and it's taken me a while to write this sentence. If my grammar is weak, how am I to complain about grammar elsewhere being poor without becoming hypocritical. I might have a slight edge from that half semester of Linguistics before my Kidney was stolen by terrorists, where I was taught basic grammar.Linguisitcs was (and presumably still is) a compulsory subject for B.Ed, and I'd gone into it with some misconceptions. Less of an anthropological subject than I had hoped, but the text was so interesting I read it straight through - the non-grammar book that is. I also thought I'd be able to pick up, but that half-semester is one of the hardest times to recollect. The drugs the terrorists forced on me probably burned out my short term memory, along with these images of two or three nice girls who I was able to talk to, but less so after finding out they had boyfriends.
In the present tense however, I is are working a kick-ass concert tonight, I was successful in getting the call-centre job (now just have to do training), I've spent about an hour and a half since I got home last night learning guitar, and I'm being hooked up, apparently. even if I was coming off the endorphin blow, I wouldn't be able to tell.
Lost is cool, but Adbusters is cooler.
posted by Keegan at 9:18 am ... 0 comments
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Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Mmm... Endorphins
A good chem day, balanced out and in the vibe, au naturale. Nothing set it off, nothing spurring it on, just sitting in the sun, basking in the Vitamin D. It's this headspace I want to keep, to savour. It'll go, but I know it'll be back again. that's why "This Too Shall Pass". that's why i'm so gutted that I gave it up, and that I was that drunk that I couldn't explain properly what I was giving away.but I'm so endorphed it doesn't matter right now. Not Low, no sir. Drugs ain't got nothing on a mindframe like this. I had a deep and meaningful blog entry all planned, something about how petrol's 1.26, and I'm not sure SAM's evil anymore, and the cute uni girls and some greek complex this dude had back in the day, but what the hey. even this can't bring me down.
Children r Skary
posted by Keegan at 9:47 pm ... 0 comments
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Monday, August 15, 2005
The Revolution.
I think about it. a lot. When society will collapse under any given catalyst, and the streets will be deserted, and I'll be wandering around, a survivor. Thinking about what stores I'll break into first, what I'll need - books on survival, camping gear and those light food packs, what kind of shelter I'll need (depends on the scenario - from Ft. Denison in the middle of sydney harbour in "Zombies Attack!" to where I am now for "Killer Virus - Genetic Immunity". travelling the freeways searching for survivors, trying to contact the outside world, or defending my territory in "Collapse of Civilisation", along with my merry band of survivors.And thinking about it's a kind of a way to escape growing up, only my Neverland is filled with deserted cars, crumbling skyscrapers. A tiny fire in the middle of an empty freeway, grass bursting forth from the cracks. I don't have to worry about superannuation, because my retirement will be the day I finally give up finding any more survivors. I'll have set up a tiny tribe, self sufficient and no longer dependent on the scraps of the collapsed civilisation. And I won't have to watch any more damn TV ads, or give a toss who wins a reality show. I'll be out of the box, making a difference in this strange world.
posted by Keegan at 9:20 pm ... 0 comments
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Sunday, August 14, 2005
Bare White Hot Wit.
Fizzling. My humour is sort of hit and miss, always has been (Hence: Banjo Call). not the only one though, but I still notice it more when it happens to me. another cause for hesitiation when it comes to broaching the *bubble*, sober, and in an intellectual environment. my pretenses at having academic wit are laid bare, to people who would actually understand such repartee, (sometimes the political minutae passes by those not studying it - just like I don't get chiro jokes), and when I get a laugh from a tute I'm thrilled - so then what do you do? I'd have rathered stuck to the one uni for three years, built up a little clique (the post-gossie clique is aweso, and it was great having an ourimbah clique in management), but there's no clique to stique with. and 12 weeks, 12 hrs contact a peice, is a few calendars less than the almost decade that I've known some of my bestest buddies.I'd like to keep the people with dirt on me to a minimum - but then again, I'm posting on google, forever dooming whatever bile I spew forth to an eternity in cyberia, waiting for someone to hold a grudge, and to desire to burn who may or may not be a public figure. who knows where I'll be when I'm 40?
FUCKIN A! Vesna's evicted. and that's all that matters for this particular moment.
posted by Keegan at 7:50 pm ... 1 comments
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Friday, August 12, 2005
Working again, and it's getting tricky balancing the amount of work coming through. There's a presentation to do next thursday, and I'm tired already. Barely know what I'm meant to be presenting on. Wondering how I'll endure another 11 weeks, before I break from uni. well, there is one thing that'll keep me going, but if people actually start coming out in the city, maybe that drive won't be there anymore.I've changed my MSN tag to Victa - cutting grass since 1952, and even gone to the effort of finding the logo for a picture. It's not about pride in what I've done, it's a reminder. If I've learnt anything studying history in high school and politics at uni, it's that peoples don't forget wrongs committed centuries ago - why should they forget those done comparatively yesterday? (the answer is: to stop the bloodshed. At some point, some brave soul stands up and says: "this is fucking stupid!" and gets shot by the people who reckon war's fun.)
Sigh. Jenna's going and I'm destined to work a NIN concert. probably should listen to a bit to make the night more fun, but I'm just hooked on the Beatles atm. 101 songs and counting. It'd just be so surreal to see her, one of the real people among all the plastics at terrigal. Odds on if you read this, you're real too. and there are real people out there. but terrigal? real people? fuh-gedda-boudit.
posted by Keegan at 6:44 pm ... 0 comments
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Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Why Don't We Do It In The Road
mood swing again, but this time I have a headache. started when I got up ten minutes before my alarm for work, built up while laying carpet tiles, four hours of uni, then an hour and a half of traffic, I just don't want to exist right now. I'm too tired for what I want to be doing, it doesn't stop me wanting it though. and this is a good thing, for this is a good mood. it just doesn't need this headache right now.and because of this headache, and because I don't feel like it, I'm not going to explain the last two posts because they were complicated. and I don't get them either, there's really no point to them. there's other things I could have posted, but there's layers and intrigues and all sorts of enigmas inside riddles inside my head.
Interview tomorrow for a call centre job - I'm not selling nothing, but talking to strangers and getting used to getting knocked back should have social benifits. supplies for lunch mates, and a call to revolution. please, no headaches.
posted by Keegan at 8:33 pm
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Monday, August 08, 2005
Mother Superior Jumped The Gun.
Sometimes guilt doesn't go away, it just gets compressed so tight, like when a sun burns out and collapses in on itself, sucking everything that was good around it into a dead weight.Other times, you begin to understand that while you may be responsible to some degree, there was no real difference you could have made. And that guilt is for Catholics. It was crushing at the time though, seeing it on the news and then finding out who was whom in the story, and that I'd been so close to the story. really fucked up guilt trip to lay on a kid.
But why am I going on about it now? avoiding guilt closer to home, good deeds that don't work, and bad deeds still punishing. There's no lessons learnt, just repeated mistakes in different ways, and different interpretations. good things re-occur too, but it's the mistakes one dwells on. the what ifs.
should refine that, the "what if i hads", because the "what if i do this" is something to focus on the present and the future with. either dwell on the past, or recognise that there is good to be had if you reach out and grab it with both hands. grin on my face, and many thanks to the person who just msged and put it on there. luv ya too.
posted by Keegan at 9:41 pm ... 0 comments
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Strange Events.
A Kid gets kicked out of scouts for indecency, lays his blame on another scout, then a year later goes to kill that kid, who isn't at home - but his baby sister is. the mental kid should've chosen me, at least i could take him.There's a crash blocking the road in both directions, 100m from the last event. bloody volvo driver well into retirement, a mother with bone sticking out of her leg, I'm holding her kids away so they can't hurt her till the ambulance comes. I give her my phone to use, tell her husband they're all okay and going to the hospital.
I've just started driving on my P's, it's a slippery wet day and I go around a corner above uni, and then the car spins and falls into a ditch, I'm looking straight up at the sky. not hurt, however unlikely that may seem. towed out, need repairs, drained me of money.
I'm in hospital the day after drinking, the public hospital and it's getting late into the night. an elderly woman's insisting she goes, and there's nothing that the workers say that convince her to stay. I'm in pain and all I can think about is what kinda drugs they'll give me to block it all out. the nurses love my veins - they get trainees to come over to practice, because the druggies and elderly have impossible veins. over the 17 days in and out, I lost count after 100 needles. three months recovery, I almost passed out in the one uni exam I did.
Yet here I Am. and for that, at least, I am thankful. don't dwell on the past, on things one cannot change. Bend the future, and find happiness.
posted by Keegan at 8:37 am ... 0 comments
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Saturday, August 06, 2005
Saturday, It's Morning Again.
Well, it was an okay night at Nikkis, not so much annoyed as dissapointed that nothing went down, apart from watching a DVD and drinkin. didn't really have the money to go out anyway, after the locksmith fiasco, but fridays still have possibility of becoming a regular thing. I've got this place, and I want to use it, I'm bored with the coast and I don't like the look of the randoms, there's only limited appeal to prissy blondes who look upon us plebs with disdain, especially when I'm at uni and everywhere I turn there's an intelligent, passionate brunette.What's actually suprising is how much I want to end this, get breakfast and start studying. interesting Uni is a strange concept, but I think i've got my head around the idea now.
posted by Keegan at 10:13 am ... 0 comments
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Thursday, August 04, 2005
Diamonds Are Forever
my neck is sore. this is because i've spent an hour trying to nap in my car, after waiting another hour out in the cold for a locksmith, after taking my bro and one of those beautiful girls he's friends with to Sigur Ros at the Enmore. what's annoying is that if I'd given into temptation, he'd be the one who was stuck waiting for a locksmith well into the wee hours. And I'd be asleep right now, or close to it.Uni this semester's looking great. small mercies at least.
posted by Keegan at 9:53 pm ... 0 comments
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Wednesday, August 03, 2005
I Want To Paint It Black
drumming away in my head all day this Rolling Stones song, an inescapable beat and sentiment, I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes, I have to turn my head until my darkness goes...well not really, I see them walk by and I have to turn before I'm caught staring in awe. thing is, it's a different experience separate from any relationship, only hazily recollected in the first days of first year at uni.
And it's even different from that, judging from the diary entries scrawled in the back of old lecture pads, ripped out and stapled together, hidden in the dark recesses of my room. desires have changed, and I'm a little more picky. well, when it comes to seeking a relationship. I could fall in love every day at uni. gonna be hard to give it up, but then I don't have to jump straight into a career, there's the obligitory backpacker's adventure, I've not worked in nearly enough bars, this thing called "life experience" I keep hearing about. doesn't mean I have to do them alone though, but at this point I wouldn't dread it. I don't fear singledom. I can wait for the right one, though one has to be pro-active sometimes.
posted by Keegan at 10:11 pm ... 0 comments
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005
I'm Baaacck....
Uni. Smells delich. Heart stops every so often at all the amazingly beautiful young things, it's enough to cause a heart attack when one sits next to you, or perhaps the explanation as to why I can't say a word is that my heart's leaped up my throat. I was thankful enough for the distraction at any rate, it's strange not really knowing anyone. back at ourimbah, at least I had people to sit next to. really have to overcome my dependence on other people being forward, maybe a marketing job could be useful that way. just leave your soul at the door.or not. Last thing I need after last semester's marks is even less focus in class. what a way to lose focus though. Could be stuck in a funk, or I could just enjoy the world for at least making lonely days look nice. It's strange to have dreams about someone, especially while I'm going through a kind of deja vu (again). not so much deja vu, as the recollection of a dream when I was young, and it finally making sense, like a premonition you only understand after the event. at least it doesn't seem like I've fortold anything to fear, (things like putting a book on the freezer, and turning to see something on the computer, the moment clicks), but it does worry me while I'm down in a funk.
Bloke, 21, seeking...
posted by Keegan at 9:52 pm ... 0 comments
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Monday, August 01, 2005
Monday Here We Go...
Saturday was mmm... tasty. I never get to eat seafood in kensington, kev's all "nah...", so lunch with mum was a Thai calimari salad, and at the Entrance I hit up a Marinara. mmm... all those weird bits of slimy tubes taste soooo good. Went down as good as espresso shots upside the Lord Ash. Largo's lost it's appeal though, even the eye candy seems less tasty when compared to some of the finer specimens on parade in the city.Trapped in the vice-like grip of Sobriety, and only just making it into the beer garden before Midnight, I was lookin around and seeing nothing worth putting any effort into. never gonna find nothin' stickin my nose around the coast - really is time to get out in the city more.
posted by Keegan at 9:34 am ... 0 comments
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