Monday, August 08, 2005

Mother Superior Jumped The Gun.

Sometimes guilt doesn't go away, it just gets compressed so tight, like when a sun burns out and collapses in on itself, sucking everything that was good around it into a dead weight.

Other times, you begin to understand that while you may be responsible to some degree, there was no real difference you could have made. And that guilt is for Catholics. It was crushing at the time though, seeing it on the news and then finding out who was whom in the story, and that I'd been so close to the story. really fucked up guilt trip to lay on a kid.

But why am I going on about it now? avoiding guilt closer to home, good deeds that don't work, and bad deeds still punishing. There's no lessons learnt, just repeated mistakes in different ways, and different interpretations. good things re-occur too, but it's the mistakes one dwells on. the what ifs.

should refine that, the "what if i hads", because the "what if i do this" is something to focus on the present and the future with. either dwell on the past, or recognise that there is good to be had if you reach out and grab it with both hands. grin on my face, and many thanks to the person who just msged and put it on there. luv ya too. posted by Keegan at 9:41 pm

----------------