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Monday, December 26, 2005

Back In Kenso

Boxing Day, and returned to the city sanctuary. It's a cool afternoon in which to sit in my chair and read a book (River of Gods), and now after about an hour in that chair, to come online and post some random tit-bit of my life. Yes, I am not going back to the job. It's not me. employment in hospitality feels like something to suffer through until I am qualified enough to enter the career I'm passionate about. I can't stick at it all day with a smile and seek every opportunity to learn more about the workings of the restaurant - I just want the shift to be over, the week to be over, the pay to come in, and my penitance to be complete.

So I went back to the coast and had some good times with friends, and decided that I prefer making ends meet with youth allowance and scrap jobs where they don't expect a smile, at least through honours.
posted by Keegan at 5:04 pm ... 0 comments

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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Shiftless Coastie

'sright, I don't have the passion for hospitality that the job required. It's not me. I'm heading back to the coast for the holiday season, hence this'll be the last post for a while. Tom, come out one of these nights and I'll fork up the Hawker's Dosh.

I don't have the back for it either... I know I've got something valuable to contribuite to society, but I don't think it's carrying cases of beer and polishing glassware. I'm bound to see y'all sometime over the next two weeks, so here's to a merry christmas, and a new year even better than all the good bits of all the years you've seen.

I've got three books to read for honours, and a sci-fi novel that isn't a part of a series or by a big name, so should be fun, long days on the beach, racking up the youth allowance... I do want a job though, just not this one. One I can enjoy.
posted by Keegan at 8:24 pm ... 0 comments

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Sunday, December 18, 2005

LCD Soundsystem Feat. Le Tigre - Deceptacon

I'd like to say I got this song based on it's appearance on the*expletive deleted* 'Yeah Right!' skateboarding tape, but honestly, I heard it first on a *expletive deleted* advertisement, which seeded the chorus in my head from first viewing. That's for Ly, the entity formerly known as Linz. If only I got 2CCC up here, maybe it'd be worth asking for it to be played...

Work's going a lot better, I dropped some glasses to widespread cheers and applause, and somehow it made me feel better. I'm not stressed thinking wtf should I be doing, I'm producing some kickass cocktails even if my coffees need improvement. I'm more confident about Honours becoming a reality after an email, and having another look at my marks - my lowest mark this semester was my highest last semester, that's the kind of improvement I've shown.

that's right, I had the most lucid dream that ripped me out of sleep this morning. The sun was fading, we'd held each other close, certain it was our last embrace. She turned towards me, and our cheeks brushed as it turned into a kiss, the taste of which is still on my lips. And as she pulled away, I wake up with the sense of loss, but i'm still glad it happened.

I rarely have surreal dreams, mine are too real, so much so that sometimes they become false memories. I've been caught out once or twice, reminicising with mates about things that never happened. I must be going senile.

oh, who is she? just have to ask, won't you?
posted by Keegan at 11:26 pm ... 0 comments

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Saturday, December 17, 2005

Late Night Flow

3:27:A.M.

It's my blog, and I can do what I want with it. and right now, I'm back from getting drunk with an ex, and of course I come home alone. the other ex called earlier in the night, and if I want it it's there, but I don't want "it". I'm seeking a deeper connection than the momentary, fleeting love that one finds in the club. palace kicks ass, btw.

I'm a political, I was born one. An outcast from kindergarten, different and wierd. I've got something to say, but no-one wants to hear. I might as well have a sandwich board and wander the streets of the city yelling "the end is nigh! repent!" for all that my thought will be heard. It takes ten seconds to say;

"I want to write my thesis on wether or not the US will fight China directly over Middle East Oil."

...And this is something that will effect us all. seriously! you think that these riots in Cronulla and Maroubra are based on sensless violence by drunken idiots? or do you secretly think that Lebanese culture isn't compatible with "Aussie" culture? That multilculturalism is a bullshit policy that will collapse? This is what Huntington would contend under "Clash of Civilisations". frankly I reject it all. I like kebabs best when made by those who know how, and I hate drunken idiots no matter the colour of their skin.

Of course this rant won't make much sense after this much alcohol, but there's something here. I've got an Idea, and it's an Important one. there's a conflict coming, and it can be avoided if the cards are played right. and if I can't focus on it, I might as well just start mandarin lessons now.

The most frustrating thing is how hard it is for me to understand why no-one finds this as absorbing as I do. Can't you imagine it? the US would reinstate the draft, and we wouldn't be far behind. Is China expansionist? what lengths would the US go to in restricting Chinese Expansionism? How many troops would Oz commit to support the US?

But no-one cares. christmas is coming. need to be close to someone. need to consume. to buy things for other people. to work to earn the cash to do these things. I might've been born a political, but I don't know where I want to push y'all. this might be what's happening, but I don't know what you should do to make things different.

-5 beers and a Red Bull'n'Voddy.
posted by Keegan at 3:24 am ... 0 comments

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Friday, December 16, 2005

Lift Your Game, Son

I don't think I belong in hospitality. I'm at my happiest deep in a book, my mind off in the distance organising it's thoughts around a concept, forming it into an idea that maybe one day will grip the psyche of the world through it's subconscious.

not filling up water glasses.

I'm not asking enough questions and I'm looking lost, and it's not the best time to be gripped in a funk of uncertainty as to just what exactly i'm doing next year. I got my marks back today (HD,D,D,P), and I'm still not sure if that's a D average or if it'll be enough to get me into honours - and if I'm not getting into honours, I don't want this job. I just want to take my savings and get out of the country for as long as possible, and get my mind on track. I shouldn't be buying box sets of DVDs to justify employment, to keep me pacified - I want to be out there in the wilderness getting my mind in order.

And if i'm not getting into honours, then these books I've been buying aren't much use to me at all. American Empire, Empire of Debt, China Inc, Resource Wars - Four books I've bought with the proceeds from this job, and it'll be nothing more than entertainment if I've got nowhere to exercise my knowledge.

I'm so unsure about my future it's paralyzing, and it's showing up at work enough to be noticed by managers.
posted by Keegan at 10:37 pm ... 0 comments

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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

This Isn't My Ceiling...

I just got up after an 8 hour nap, and i'm going back there after this post. for some reason the fine's not being processed - I lost my license speeding home monday night. maybe I'll be able to pay it tomorrow. a whole week's pay slips out of my fingers - at least I had squirrelled away half a week. saving will have to wait a while.

tuesday in the sun on the beach was great - largo was great in that all my friends were there, even if no-one else was. then I got picked up by an old friend, and it was good in it's way. nothing complicated, because i couldn't handle anything complicated right now.

Two days till marks get back, and god knows how long till I find out wether i'm in hons or doomed to another semester of hotel management. fingers crossed I'm at uni for another year, doing what I want to do.
posted by Keegan at 10:16 pm ... 0 comments

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Monday, December 12, 2005

I'll See You On The Beach

not Cronulla though - wtf? it's pissing me off because of the 'clash of civilisations' connotations - that multiculturalism is inherently flawed, Australia is a confused country and all that jazz. fucking neo-nazis.

so I'm heading further up the coast back home tomorrow, finding a beach where I can swim instead of being beaten up by a mob cos my hair, eyes and tan mean i can pass for an arab in the eyes of drunken white supremacists. Love to see some of my friends, so I'll be buzzing everyone I can in the morning to see who's up for it. I've got two days off, and work means i'm determined to enjoy them.

China Inc's a book i've started to read, and with four days till marks get back and I get some idea of what the hell happens for honours, it's encouraging to start to know what I'd be doing. that did not make much sense.

ltr
posted by Keegan at 1:54 pm ... 0 comments

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Saturday, December 10, 2005

Make It Quick

suddenly full time work hits, and I'm barely awake for long enough to scrape a couple of words together, fit them into some sort of comprehensible order, and shove them onto this program and say hello to anyone still checking it out (post a comment if you are!) - 40+ a week, I've got 7 straight shifts starting at 4pm running to anywhere from 9:30 till 1:15 - latest thus far four days in. the main point of this particular post is to say:

I have tuesday wednesday off. I'd like to spend it with my friends. anyone keen for a night out, I'll be coming back down the coast.

and then it'll be back to it, with christmas the only day off for the following two weeks. I'm trying to get some study done for the much increased prospect of honours, but the most i'm getting is about half an hour reading to and from work. It's called Resource Wars - Michael T. Klare - and i've already cut well into shower time so no chance of linking it up to anything. it reads like leftist propaganda, and i'm beginning to find that annoying. the certainty that they are right. i know the rightist propaganda is just as certain of their righteousness - but the book is helpiing to figure out some direction - the spratleys, the caspian, and the persian. wondering where the two giants will rumble...

back to the grind, so i can save for an escape, and buy more worthwhile books. and presents. can actually afford to get family some stuff this time round.
posted by Keegan at 2:03 pm ... 1 comments

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